Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

19 March 2007

What I'd like in the budget


Today is Minority Government budget day in Canada. Huzzah! Do you have your giant Jim Flaherty is #1 foam finger ready?

It's a day where our country's leadership determines what our priorities are.

I love this country. One thing I love about it is that our politicians are not the most famous people in the world. There are very few Stephen Harper impressions on SNL. Basically... we're Canadian... where our nerds know their place!


Now I will make my statement about MY priorities for the country...


1. More "How to speak Canadian" instructional audio files. I love Arthur the confused rat with all my heart. He makes me feel more like a hoser.



2. I think Canadians should also be forced to reproduce more. I'd like especially those in rural areas to really get down to business so that we get that birth rate up! My goal is to make the Canadian Shield fully populated by the end of my term. So let's get inter-coursing OK? Would it help if I hummed Barry White music?


3. I want to see Canada become more square. Not dorky square. But actually physically square. We are far too round. More rigid distinct lines and 90 degree angles will help things. I believe it was the prophet Huey Lewis who once said...

I know that its crazy
I know that its nowhere
But there is no denying that
Its hip to be square

Truer words have never been spoken.

4. I think we should budget for a crisis of some kind in 2009. Not 2008... it's too soon. 2009 would be perfect though. I'm looking forward to using my dented cans of corn as rations. Maybe we could arrange a crazy knife fight over that corn. Make it so.

5. Finally, I think Canada could use an official dance. We need something that represents our country's dignity, acceptance of all peoples, and also exposes our nipples to each other. I'm thinking something in a Rave/Polka/Slam Dance would be nice. So every morning we do this dance with our families. Real unity builder.

Any thoughts on what you'd like to see in the budget? The suggestion box is open.

6 comments:

The Franchise said...

Is there anyway Canada can buy Huey Lewis and maybe even the News? I mean I doubt they are very expensive, and they will throw some sweet paries. Trust me. If you can't buy, try leasing for a year...you will not be sorry.

Big Ear Creations said...

Problem with leasing huey lewis is that he's far exceeded his miles... we'd be responsible for his oil changes... spark plugs... lubes (shuddering)

Tanya said...

Wow, I never realized Canada needed such grand changes. Do you guys have a president? No, wait a Prime Minister? Wow, I feel dumb right now. I think I'm going to spend some time on Wikipedia this afternoon researching Canadian Government.

You should run for CEO of Canada!
There.

Big Ear Creations said...

CEO eh? hmmm... I'll likely then have to start embellzing money and then Michael Moore would come after me.

Plus I can't wear suits...
Or like driving nice cars...
Or enjoy meetings...
Or have the ability to even balance my own books...

But if the office of sarcastic comments ever opens up... I'm in

rac_monkey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric said...

I vote for the Duff Dance

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