Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

4 February 2008

Secretly

I spent a good chunk of today going through some old writing that my friend rescued from my dearly departed computer. I wrote this just over 2 years ago. I remember when I wrote it... it felt very strange to be open about my "crap". But as this says, being real and raw is the only thing that feels right.



Secretly I wish I could be a farmer
Secretly I know every attempt at controlling my own destiny has failed
Secretly every time I pass a car dealership I wish it was “Lockport Gambino Ford”
Secretly I know more can be done
Secretly I hope nobody can see that I’m riding a Merry-go-round
Secretly I wish my street was paved with gold
Secretly I’m tired of shouting
Secretly I’m not sure if two heads really are better than one
Secretly I’m not as tough as I pretend to be
Secretly I wish I looked better in cool clothes
Secretly I’ve become accustomed to failure
Secretly I can’t forget the pictures I saw when I was 8
Secretly I’m just beginning to learn to feel at home in my skin
Secretly I maintain that Field Dreams was Spirit-led
Secretly I’m not sure why more people don’t get me
Secretly I’m hurt more often than I show
Secretly I’m not satisfied with this life
Secretly most of my smiles are for others benefit
Secretly I know that I’d do anything
Secretly I know that, if left to myself, I wouldn’t speak much
Secretly I don’t get the whole motorcycle thing
Secretly being raw scares me, but it’s the only thing that feels right
Secretly repetition sickens me
Secretly I hate more than I should
Secretly I know the thing stopping God… is me

January 1
st 2006

6 comments:

melanie said...

hmmm...i think i'll have to do my own list, you've inspired me--afterall, bein open in the past has left me with little to risk losing, hahaa! (k, maybe jus a few ppl will get that, but still...lol)

Nicki said...

Secretly.. I think we would all learn alot of things about ourselves.. and others if we all wrote a secretly list... maybe... this could be called.. "secret therapy"... there's gotta be a book.. or a least a motivational seminar in that somewhere! Secretly... I want to write a list.. but would be afraid of being accused of plagiarism!

Matt Vaandering said...

im pumped for the book to come out. i liked the secretly list...especially the lockport gambine ford one!

The Bean Bag Chair said...

secrets out farmer Dave...what would you farm btw?!!
can't wait for the book...

Dave Carrol said...

well the farmer one is directly tied into Field of Dreams. haha...

upon further consideration... i think i just want to live in a farm house JUST outside of a city. Or maybe just an old house in the city...

Jeff said...

"Secretly.. I think we would all learn alot of things about ourselves.. and others if we all wrote a secretly list... maybe... this could be called.. "secret therapy"... there's gotta be a book.. or a least a motivational seminar in that somewhere!"

Hey Nicki, ever heard of PostSecret? People were sent out invitations to draw or make their own postcards with their deepest, darkest secret, and send it anonymously to the authors of the book that came out later with them inside. It's really interesting to read what some people have written...inspiring, sad, happy, and disturbed all at the same time...I'd definitely recommend checking it out.

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