Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

2 April 2008

Things I learned at my friendly neighbourhood Christian retailer

-I learned that small groups now come in a can. Did you realize that?
Relationship... accountability... the give and take of questioning... the ebb and flow of debate... in a can for only $79.99. A small price for that kind of authentic early church experience.

-I learned that you should never play "El Shaddi" and "Place in this world" back to back. Ever, ever, ever, ever. You run the risk of the world imploding.

- I learned that you can buy a home theater system, really cheap from a couple of 18 year olds out of the back of a white van, that's "not stolen bro" outside Mitchell Family Books right now if you hurry.

- I learned that Matthew Paul Turner's "Hokey Pokey"... IS in bookstores now. Just not that one . Cus it's likely sold out. Seriously... you should buy it.

(Sidenote... MPT is doing terrible things to my upper left arm with a fork right now. If don't make it home from work tonight tell mother)

- I learned that an audio Bible read by celebrities costs about 80$ more than one read by the author of the Bible. Jesus... (OK not Jesus. I think his name is Eugene)

- I learned that Jesus is my homeboy and that He is apparently REALLY interested in stealing the logos of soft drinks. REALLY interested.

- I learned that Joel Osteen's smile is even larger and whiter than on TV. Barely fit on the cover.

- I learned that most Christian books that have the word "sex" in title have nothing to do with sex. Very disappointing. I desperately want to call my book, "Graphic Sexual Intercourse" Where would THAT display be set up? Beside Joyce Meyer? Bill Hybels? Not Joni!

- I learned that Christians must love Jesus rugs.
and jesus lamps.
and jesus necklaces
and jesus notepaper
and jesus bracelets
and jesus paintings
and jesus pencils
and jesus stencils
and jesus mints
and jesus candles
and jesus beads
and jesus macro may
and jesus day planners
and jesus bookmarks
and jesus hats
and jesus shirts
and jesus beach balls
and jesus busts
and jesus incense
and jesus gift bags
and jesus board games
and jesus ear rings

- I learned that many Christians are old and smell like the same thing. I don't know what that thing is... but they smell like it.

I overheard this discussion, "Yes Margery... I was there for all the parables and the Psalms, but I couldn't make it to Galatians because i was sick. And I didn't want to jump in half way because I would have been lost."

- I learned that even though Christians have 12 translations of it, they don't realize that they can read this thing at home.

Sometimes I think that we should have a Steve Martin "The Jerk", "this is all I need" moment

1 comment:

The Bean Bag Chair said...

hahahahaha...love it Dave! Especially the pic of MWS. CLASSIC!!!
Oh...can I do the "graphic" design for you book? Pretty please?!!

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