Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

30 June 2008

Ummm...

It appears that my old blog template has crashed... or something...

so I guess I'm in for a new look soon!

Ha

My Offering

After an hour and a half of legit, shouting, singing, soaking, drinking, jumping, dancing, kneeling, wobbling, flexing, "Presence of God" worship on Sunday... I asked my Pastor if I could take up the offering.

My heart was so filled with thankfulness.

Thankful for the manifest presence of God.
Thankful for 5 hour living room encounter that wound up in tears of unity and feet washing.
Thankful for a church that lets God manifest instead of hoping he fits into our box.
Thankful for friends who write my wife letters telling her that she's beautiful and strong.
Thankful for insane financial favor on a small group of radicals.
Thankful for a house that laughs real laughs without the religious harness.
Thankful for a house that lets me loose to be me.

I was FILLED to the brim with thankfulness for my God and Freedom House. In the year 2000, my forever was changed in West Africa. God became larger than names, titles, deeds, papers and politics. I've never been a conformer to man systems. It nearly cost me my education; conforming sickened that much.

The God I serve is a wild, free, SOVEREIGN, God. This God SPOKE the universe in creation.

I took up the offering on Sunday... really realizing again what a blessing a church that lives BIG is. God is not a harnessed show pony and I just won't insult him by treating Him as such. I know how claustrophobic I feel when I find myself trapped in a cage... I can't imagine what the King of the Universe feels like!

I took up the offering Sunday with a group of real friends in tears because of the Presence of a Holy God in an old bar room. A group of friends who I'd gladly go to war with... knowing that they've got my back too. A group of friends who care more about the things of God than their own comforts. I know it... I've seen it. It's legitimate. They are people other people don't believe exist. They hang out at my place... and I'm honored to welcome them.

I took up the offering on Sunday... with a heart of gladness (maybe like I've never had). Drinking from the river that flows from the throne room of God will do that to a guy. It's a cool drink on a hot day. It's shade. It's a healing balm. It's wisdom and peace. It's the source of life itself.

I took up the offering on Sunday being befuddled by some people's quibbles about tithing. "The Church" is beautiful. It's part of the plan. It serves. It let's you learn more about God by seeing Him work in the lives of others. It holds in its walls friendship, love, opportunity, instruction, mentorship, success, failure... Most don't have a source for this. I do. How could I NOT honor something so vital in my life monitarily?

I'm thankful for Freedom House. I'm thankful for a Big, Real God who lives with me.

You should come by Cockshutt Park and say hi tomorrow... we'll be at our booth @ the big Canada Day party. At 3:45 and 7:45 on the kids stage... we're presenting an original family production that I wrote called, "Dora, The Incredible Hulk and a Tree". It's pretty funny if I do say so myself.




29 June 2008

Psalty: Behind the Music



I'm glad Psalty is working. He gave... minutes of entertainment as a youngin'

That was snide.
And not true.
Who's kidding who... I grew up in a church in the 80's man. Psalty WAS kids ministry until the Cucumber and Tomato knocked him off.

That's the real story that needs to be told

28 June 2008

Awareness precedes progress

"The roots of what I saw on the Gurugu were buried in sub-Saharan and West Africa. I had to know more. I wanted to make a difference in Africa, but awareness always precedes progress. I needed to see and experience Africa with my own eyes. The stories my refugee friends told me weren't enough"
Erik Mirandette


This was the base premise of Erik's journey across Africa. The "what I saw"... was the horrible conditions of West African refugee shanty camps in Morocco on the Spanish border. God broke is heart for the situation and he acted on it by smuggling in food and Bibles.

But intensely complicated politics and powerful opposition made it a nearly impossible situation to fix or understand. That's Africa man... it's an entirely different context that is difficult for the North American bred mind to assimilate.

I the the statement "awareness precedes progress" is very astute. Trick is... often to gain awareness worth its salt, you have to dive blindly into unknown waters. It can lead to looking and feeling foolish for a season. But when you gain understanding or awareness... what you personally bring to the table of any situation could a be a real key to progress.

27 June 2008

Egg Head loves his booky book

 Every week or so... my BFF's at Zondervan are sending me new, really diverse, and interesting books to read.  Considering that it takes me many months to digest a book...  (I'm a "eat the whole scroll kinda dude") I'm at a record level of reading material these days.  And I love it! 

Looks like I'll have to excrete more often.
OK that was unpleasant.

But come on... I have 3 kids... the rumors are true.  It's the only quiet place in the house.
Here's what on the Carrol bookshelf right now...

  My Beautiful Idol by Pete Gall (who describes himself as "the fat blond guy on the corner in the African print shirt, squeezing himself into the yellow taxi") 

This is the story of a guy (Pete) who walks away from the secular advertising world on the search to be honest with himself and his God.

I love personal stories of God/Man messiness. You see, because that's everyone.  The winners understand this. Just so ya know

The Only Road North by Erik Mirandette

This is the book I'm going to launch into next.  An across Africa adventure?  I'm so in. 

From Publishers Weekly...
Mirandette made headlines when he and two friends were severely injured by a terrorist bomb in Cairo, Egypt, in April of 2005. His brother, Alex, who was weeks away from his 19th birthday, died in the attack. It was a tragic end to a journey that began in Cape Town, South Africa, months earlier when three young men (a fourth joined them later) set out on the journey that would change their lives. Mirandette had felt God's insistent call while studying at the U.S. Air Force Academy; he left the U.S. to help a relief organization in Melilla, Spain, then to assist earthquake victims in Morocco. But he felt he needed to see and experience the rest of Africa, so the young men took off together. His account of their 9,000-mile motorcycle journey is riveting. They faced wild animals, hostile people, civil wars, a lack of food and several crashes along the way, but this intrepid group never wavered in their resolve to finish the trip—until a bomb ripped their worlds apart. Mirandette reveals his own religious searching, questions and qualms, yet urges readers to make the choice to "follow and believe."

Here's the orgional story back in 2005 that reviewer referenced.  I love the adventure of life. I wrote this yesterday on the Freedom House Blog...

"God tells a story fueled by our obedience"
Me

The Almost True Story of Ryan Fisher by Rob Stennett


This is a real, honest to goodness, fictional story.  It's weird that I'm really not a big fan of reading fiction.  It's weird because I love stories.  An excellent screen-play can expose so much truth.  Maybe it's that books take longer... and if I don't like the story, I may not "learn" anything.  This looks intriguing though... 

"Meet Ryan Fisher. He’s young, energetic, and needs an edge in the real estate market. He’s found the perfect niche: Christians. His business doubles when he advertises in the Christian business directory, and he begins to think he could really cash in by planting a church. But when the church takes off, Ryan is in over his head."
Zondervan 

Church scammers... tonight on Fox.

The Deity formerly known as God by Jarrett Stevens

Jarrett does college and singles ministry at North Point Church in Georgia (Andy Stanley's church).   This is a deconstruction and reconstruction of who God really is.  He's doing what we're all in the process of doing these days.

The church is not going to look the same in 5 years.  If you don't change now... you'll be a dinosaur.  I love this quote

What is the difference between a living thing and a dead thing?  In the medical world, a clinical definition of death is a body that does not change.  Change is life.  Stagnation is death.  If you don't change... you die.  It's that simple.  It's that scary.
Leonard Sweet (Soul Tsunami) 

26 June 2008

Hookers and Burgers and Friends... oh my


Hey you should check out our Freedom House Blog. Today I wrote a bit about a special "Flippin Friday" street party that we're having tomorrow night (that you're invited to BTW)

I also wrote about a very cool story from the 24/7 Prayer Room and Mission on the Mediterranean party island of Ibiza.

It involves hookers!

"I'm going to walk the earth... like Caine from Kung Fu"

My time is not my own. Time is currency, pertinent, and in short supply in it's current form. I'm quite sure that of all the things we'll be held accountable for one day... time will be near the top of the list.

I'm not sure who started the rumor that "me time" even exists. Oprah likely. The entire message of Christ is centered on selflessness and giving... to the point of death even. How we spend our time when we come in contact with the miraculous is fascinating.

This is long... but I want to post a scene of dialogue from Pulp Fiction that's been stuck in my head today. Back in the day... Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs were MY movies. Then I got saved... ha! I tried to watch them about 5 years ago and just couldn't even come close to enjoying it. I do not recommend it... but I do think Tarantino is a BRILLIANT film maker and screen writer.

In this scene... hit men Vincent (John Travolta) and Jules (Sam Jackson) are sitting in a coffee shop discussing a "miracle" that had just happened. They were attempting to execute a man and "God" somehow stopped the bullets.

Jules is really coflicted here. He's trying to get out of a life that just doesn't cut it... if you acknowledge the presence of an interactive God. What do you even do with the day? How do you just keep on doing the do?

                                  JULES

I just been sittin' here thinkin'.

VINCENT
(mouthful of food)
About what?

JULES
The miracle we witnessed.

VINCENT
The miracle you witnessed. I
witnessed a freak occurrence.

JULES
Do you know that a miracle is?

VINCENT
An act of God.

JULES
What's an act of God?

VINCENT
I guess it's when God makes the
impossible possible. And I'm sorry
Jules, but I don't think what
happened this morning qualifies.

JULES
Don't you see, Vince, that ****
don't matter. You're judging this
thing the wrong way. It's not
about what. It could be God
stopped the bullets, he changed
Coke into Pepsi, he found my
***** car keys. You don't judge
**** like this based on merit.
Whether or not what we experienced
was an according-to-Hoyle miracle
is insignificant. What is
significant is I felt God's touch,
God got involved.

VINCENT
But why?

JULES
That's what's ***** wit' me! I
don't know why. But I can't go
back to sleep.

VINCENT
So you're serious, you're really
gonna quit?

JULES
The life, most definitely.

VINCENT
So if you're quitting the life,
what'll you do?

JULES
That's what I've been sitting here
contemplating. First, I'm gonna
deliver this case to Marsellus.
Then, basically, I'm gonna walk the
earth.

VINCENT
What do you mean, walk the earth?

JULES
You know, like Caine in "KUNG FU."
Just walk from town to town, meet
people, get in adventures.

VINCENT
How long do you intend to walk the
earth?

JULES
Until God puts me where he want me
to be.

VINCENT
What if he never does?

JULES
If it takes forever, I'll wait
forever.

VINCENT
So you decided to be a bum?

JULES
I'll just be Jules, Vincent -- no
more, no less.

VINCENT
(I took this whole part out... no amount of editing would do. Ha!
Basically... it's a reiteration of the bum theory!)

JULES
Look my friend, this is just where
me and you differ --

VINCENT
-- what happened was peculiar -- no
doubt about it -- but it wasn't
water into wine.

JULES
All shapes and sizes, Vince.

VINCENT
Stop talkin' like that!

JULES
If you find my answers frightening,
Vincent, you should cease askin'
scary questions.

VINCENT
When did you make this decision --
while you were sitting there eatin'
your muffin?

JULES
Yeah. I was just sitting here
drinking my coffee, eating my
muffin, playin' the incident in my
head, when I had what alcoholics
refer to as a "moment of clarity."


Walking the earth... getting into adventures randomly might be a good use of Jules time. Doubt it though. Suppose it beats killing coke heads.

One thing that I know is that the first step is to KNOW that our time does not belong to us. Our time isn't ours to fritter away on mop hits, video games, flashy lights and ambition.

John 12:25-26
The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.


Rest is for those who work.

25 June 2008

Ah crazy internet crap... how do I love thee?

Did you ever want to learn more about the history of Mormon's, Celestial sex with many wives, and space Gods as told by Hercules-like animation? Of course you have.



Did you have any idea that the Flintstones were originally presented by Winston Cigarette's? Did you know that Fred and Wilma were the first married TV couple to sleep in the same bed? Smokin Winston's and sleepin in the same bed? They truly were the modern stone age family!



Did you know that Ross Perot is makin movies again? He has a new website called perotcharts.com on which there is a clip of him saying the words... "9.4 Trillion Dollars". Oh I shudder with glee to hear his voice again.

24 June 2008

I love these days

When I went to live in Ghana,my parents were laughing because there was a day where their parents got mad at them for taking a 2 week trip to Europe.

Today... THIS is our reality


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I love the days I live in.

Here's the whole story of this video

23 June 2008

You Googled What and found me?



Thanks to ShinyStat... June's best Google Search that led to Big Ear Creations.

"white underpants"

It's a male myth. They don't exist. Only in the dreams of teenage girls reading Sears catalogs. Teenage girls do that too right?

"Matthew Paul Turner gay"

I chatted with him online and the funny thing is whoever Googled that did NOT find HIS blog... but mine. Although he seemed quite flattered.

"time travel church"

Comic Book guy? Is that you?

"stephane dion, catcher"

I know the Blue Jays are hurting for some new blood and all but...

"style tips big ears"

I wear my ear like I wear my white underpants... low and lazy

"taco smith brantford"

Children far and wide
Gather round and I will tell you the tale of Taco Smith.
No one could stuff a hard shell like Taco Smith.
Burrito?
Pft!
Any idiot can do that... but hard shell?

"people make a living in brantford"

Is this a faith statement? I see a jittery forklift driver with a scotch in his hand and a Taco Smith hard shell in the other at 3pm saying this over and over. "People make a living in Brantford right? They do right? Someone say something!!!!"

"nipple sex"

One of my fav's

"pancake sex"

Even better

"mrs butterworth's boobs"

OK... now we've gotten weird. Although... no. No.

"non religious fasting tips"

Yes... non religious fasting. For all the fun, hallucination and gaiety of fasting and none of the pesky religious side effects!

"obama is my homeboy"

No he's not. I guarantee it.

"laughing light bulb"

Steven King looking for new book ideas... making sure it's not already taken? "Dang... Carrol beat me to the laughing light bulb idea... I guess I'll have to go with the goat from hell."

"light bulb with wings"

Sorry... that one's taken too. Unless you mean chicken wings.

"loop graffiti"

Yes... what a great idea!



That was extremely satisfying

"god offered or mild or painkiller or mixture or wine or myrrh or tasted or drink or finished or nailing"

Zuh?

"dora the explorer vamonos lyrics translation"

It means "Boots has ticks". Don't tell Boots. He doesn't speak Spanish.

"flower power man fashion hippie summer of love"

This sounds like the culmination of a great rant of some kind.

"bum worship"

This search could go one of two ways. I have experience with both kinds. Worshiping either MIGHT be a mistake.

"why?"

Because

I hope George Carlin had a change of heart

The problem with being the "Anti-God" guy... is that one day you die.

Like today for example. George Carlin... is dead.
Yesterday at this time he wasn't dead.
Last weekend he did a set in Vegas.
Today... dead.

The same will be said for me one day.
One day I'll be writing a terrible ad for perfectly fitted H Cup bras.
The next... dead.


I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to god, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answer at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as god 50/50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50/50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you that look to the Bible for it's literary qualities and moral lessons; I got a couple other stories I might like to recommend for you. You might enjoy The Three Little Pigs. That's a good one. It has a nice happy ending. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood. Although it does have that one x-rated part where the Big-Bad-Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I liked best: ...and all the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no god. None. Not one. Never was. No god.


I'll admit that never really dug George Carlin's comedy. Just wasn't my bag, but I respect that he was very good at his shtick. I also realize these quotes are a part of a comedy act. I get that. But George was pretty set on what he believed. When it comes to our soul... it couldn't matter less if you're a comedian a pimp, or bra salesman.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Jesus has an appointment with Carlin today. I really hope George had enough time to change his mind. Honestly I do. He was a razor sharp, intelligent guy. And I know that no matter how bad the church had pissed him off... Jesus loved George as much as he does the Pope and Brenda Lee the Scope addict.

21 June 2008

Reason number 678 I love my friends


When the tree to end all trees came crashing down in my yard, the first things on most people's lips were the words... insurance, eaves trough, damage, property. Nice enough words I suppose.

My friends began to talk about the beauty of the tree, the shade in the yard... and how to use this magnificent specimen.

Today, a friend came by and told me that he was given a room in his Presbyterian Church to "have free reign in". He told me about his vision for this room and how he saw my tree fitting into his artistic vision.

He forged his way into the depths of the mighty oak that rests comfortably upon my patio. I watched him carefully select the right branch to nail this too...


I love my friends. I love learning from HOW they see the world. I love their creative boldness and their insistence on authenticity.

It's nice that its Saturday


Cartoon from "a beautiful revolution"

The Streets

Every time we step out on to the streets I hear God say:

"This touches my heart"

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine... to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me."
Jesus

20 June 2008

Cito returns!

Sentiment? Maybe so.

But Boomhower Gibbons had to go.

The best era of sport that I have ever experienced was 1992 and 1993. It was the last time the Leafs iced a descent team and Cito Gaston led the Blue Jays to back to back world Series wins.

Is this nostalgia? Could be. But Cito is a darn good manager. And along with the exhumed zombie hitting coach Gene Tenace (he was dead right?) I feel hope again.

Even if it's fleeting.

Wanna eat a Cow together tonight?

10pm Tonight... Market Street... Street Meat...




We had someone give us a whole cow recently. So we'll be riding it on the street tonight. Bring your buttless chaps.

OK maybe not. But we DID have someone give us a cow and we're EATING it tonight. So some top-notch burgers are a-cookin' tonight.

Here's the facebook group and event if you want to know more.

If we haven't hung out in while... you should pop downtown. We'll be out there until the wee hours


View Larger Map

19 June 2008

The "Messin with your spouse's Facebook Challenge" is underway

You may remember a couple of days ago... I messed with my lovely wife's facebook stuff. I received a great deal of personal enjoyment from it... so I "spurred one another onto love and good deeds" and challenged YOU to "go and do likewise".

Contestant #1... my brother Rick has messed with his lovely wife Amanda's Facebook stuff... AND IT'S AWESOME!


"Those dog songs that bark" is my fav.

Care to play too?

18 June 2008

How do you tell someone... "that sucks dude"

How do you tell someone that they suck? Our music director just popped into my office with a disc saying... "Do you want to hear what a waste of time and money sounds like?"

My answer is always a RESOUNDING yes to that! This happens in radio all the time. It's half sad really.

I was the Music director... Program director... Morning show host... News director... and Janitor at our local Christian radio station. "And all for the low low salary of... (In cheesy radio voice)" I digress. One day a local pastor walked in with an audio cassette and an edict. He said, "I've written a new version of the National Anthem that MUST be played on the airwaves." We politely said we'd take a listen (after he left of course).

The gravely (I mean broadcast quality) sound of the tape kicked in to the familiar piano accompanied intro of "Oh Canada". I felt like I was at Maple Leaf Gardens. Then he began...

"Oh Canada... where homosexuals dwell
Our government is leading us to hell.
We give in to the lesbian.
We think that sin is cool..."


... aaaaaaand it went on from there. Stunningly powerful inclusion of the term "cool" in a patriotic song. Wow... what to even say. How do you tell someone that what they've done SUCKS.

Not many really take constructive criticism well. Like the people who rant and rave about Simon Cowell's cruelty. The man KNOWS what he's doing. He's not a guidance councilor... he's a record producer. It's cut throat and he's excellent at his job. I've been there. I thrown a friend's CD in the trash and had to tell them that it just didn't cut it. Hard work, passion, money... right in the garbage Literally!

In media... you have to have a thick skin. In ministry too! When it comes to our faith, we need spiritual fathers. We need friends trusted enough to call us on our crap. But coming from a friend who really wants me to succeed makes a big difference. We all do dumb things... frankly I'd rather have a friend tell me about it if he sees it!

Proverbs 27: 5-6

Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.


On that note... another "Favorite Smooth Jazz Reject Pile" nominee came in this morning...

Hey wait... is that Jesse Barfield?

Stan... Jesse... Stan... Jesse...

Have YOU ever seen them in the same room?

Pride

A wise man once told me...

"you should just lay down and die... it will hurt less"
a wise man


Galatians 2:19
Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central.

Pride is my biggest character flaw.
It's not even a contest.
It's the dragon that must be slain and slain again.

Pride makes you stand in judgment of the dancers.
Pride let's you paint your walls brown... but disapproves.
Pride puts me before you.
Pride is an adulterer.

James 4: You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud;


Pride tells God how deep His well should be and how wide his river should run.
Pride is the ass whom God mocks.

Proverbs 34:34 He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.

Pride "knows better" and says so.
Pride thinks it's way to a still spirit.
Pride is silent. Quiet. Dormant.


Prov 16:18 First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

Pride is scary.

17 June 2008

It's the "messin with your spouse's facebook stuff" challenge



I find a great deal of perverse personal enjoyment messin' with Krissy's facebook stuff.

Today's handiwork...



Dare ya to do it too...

tag


There has never been a time like this

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon. How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner
Pete Greig's "The Vision"

These are unique days. These days... we stand at the threshold of a revolution. We do. Christians around the world are sensing it. Humans have been praying since we've had breath but something violent and fresh is blowing the long awaited wind into our today 's again.

I went to a meeting last night with a group of glorious nobodies who are passionate about prayer. Prayer 24/7.
Non-stop. Without ceasing. Partnering prayer with the "longing of creation". Here's what it's about...


video

What God is stirring and releasing these days is so far beyond denominational lines that it seems utterly foolish to even consider them in the discussion. It's free for all to experience.

Pete Greig wrote a wonderful piece about "Lakeland, Florida, Barrack Obama, and Burma: A call to respond to the signs of the time"

Is it coincidence that, slap-bang in the middle of such political, economic and environmental turmoil, we are also witnessing a fresh hunger for God’s presence in thousands of churches? Are the events in Lakeland, Florida disconnected from this season of global transition and turmoil? Surely it must mean something that such a time of travail hosted the world’s biggest prayer meeting as millions of Christians across 211 nations cried out to God together for the earth to be filled with the knowledge of His glory’ (Hab. 2:13)?


I'm going to warn you. This is the age of everyone.

This is the age where YOU are the faith healer in Walmart.
This is the age where YOU are the defender of the weak.
This is the age where YOU are the block Pastor.
This is the age where YOU have access to every good God gift.

This is an age where all bets are off and God is on the move. And it requires a change in our mindset. Chris Jones the leader of the 24/7 National team last night talked about how we need to reset our rhythms so we're eating, drinking, living in, walking beside and sleeping together with the Spirit of God.

This is my desktop right now...


God is up to something BIG. Don't say I didn't warn you.

16 June 2008

Work was fun today...

...at least watching other people work was fun. See... Tiger's good.


It was funny though... on the final playoff hole... it appeared that 1.23 million people started watching online at the same time since the amazing TSN stream nearly crashed. It looked like "The Matrix" or an Andy Warhol painting.

Then they drove away in little cars off into the sunset like Shriners. Warrior poet Shriners


I spent my Father's Day with Tiger Woods


I can't remember the last time I watched an entire round of golf. But I can assure you that Tiger won whatever Major it was. Know how I know?

1) Because he wins lots of them
2) Pro Golf only keeps my interest when Tiger is playing

But I watched the US Open yesterday. All of it. Minus the snarfing of a pizza and wings F's Day dinner and a quick scoot to the ice cream shop with the fam.

Golf at it's finest is riveting story with heart wrenching ebbs and flows. When it's good, it can keep me from slipping into my usual cycle of...

"Man it's so beautiful there. I wish I was there. I wish I was playing golf today. I never get to play golf anymore... and I'm annoyed now."

But yesterday was good. In our age, Tiger IS the story of golf. What Tiger does IS the storyline. He's the axis of the plot. Everyone is subplot. Bit players in Tiger's opus.

Some find this fact distasteful. They'll reminisce about the days where there was competition and legitimate rivalries. Oh yeah... that's right... the days nobody watched or remembers. People remember Palmer, because he annihilated people. They remember Nicklaus (I do), because he destroyed the pack. People KNOW Tiger... because he is something larger than life again and again.

I want to be what I've always wanted to be: dominant.
Tiger Woods

Business Week alongside ESPN recently compiled a comprehensive list of the most powerful people in "Sport". Not best athlete... but most "powerful". Tiger was #2 behind NFL Commish Roger Goodell. But he was the only actual athlete in the top 10. In fact there were only 4 athletes in the top 18. One is retired (Michael Jordan)... one's not that good anymore (David Beckham), and one isn't even the best at his position (Peyton Manning).

I cheer for Tiger. I'll be watching him beat Rocco Mediate today online at TSN.ca (while working of course). He does everything he does excellent. I get giddy seeing the Tiger "I just made a ridiculous putt" hand pumping...



"expect anything different?"
some announcer


15 June 2008

Happy Fathers Day to me

Kids are funny critters. The last 2 years, I have taken them to get Krissy flowers for Mothers Day. And today... they were insistant that daisies were the way to my heart.

Daisies, Danish, and Daddy-Shaped air fresheners from church (thanks Avril!) The true essence of Fathers Day.

At least there was no tie in a box (thanks Krissy and freedom for that one)

Line of the morning

Krissy: In honor of Fathers Day... Im putting the girls in dresses for church
Dave: In honor of Fathers Day... Im wearing the grubbiest thing I own to church
Jared: How about a miners shirt.
Dave: Son... that is funny.
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14 June 2008

Maybe Casino Brantford just has a branding problem


The employees at the Brantford Charity Casino, courtesy of the Canadian Auto Workers Union, are on strike in our fair city. I'm not a big fan of unions... or striking... but it is what it is I suppose. Although it IS nice to see the 6 Nations flags flying with them though (for emotional support I'm sure).

Wait a minute... There's a protest going on?
Not without us there isn't.

The casino is right around the corner from my house so I see the show quite often and witnessed this first hand.

At one of the entrances to the casino, a large sign tracks how much the strike is costing the city and province in lost revenue. On Friday, the sign read, "Ontario: $2 million. City: $143,000."

"It's roughly $11,000 per day," (CAW member Dave) Reston said. "It's not just hurting us on the line, it's hurting the OLG and the city of Brantford."

Brantford Expositor


I got mad when I saw that. Mad that in a week... people from MY community and surrounding communities INCLUDING Six Nations have lost THAT MUCH on slot machines,black jack and booze in this building.

A building that was built to be a center of science and technology.

This whole thing is a matter of perspective. Apparently "the province" has lost 2 million dollars. Guess what? The Province IS the people in it. And they have just SAVED 2 million of their hard earned dollars. The city has "lost" 143,000 dollars? Nope. The have reallocated and better used 147,000 of their hard earned dollars.

But it's their choice right? Just entertainment?

Casinos don't loose money. They take YOUR money. It is a tax. It's a source of income for someone who is not you.

But people LOVE paying taxes don't they? They are VERY popular!

Their current slogan is "Come Play in Our Universe". It's catchy... but maybe they should consider re-branding to...

"Brantford Charity Casino... an addictive tax on the stupid and the poor"

Yes... THAT'S IT! Genius! They should be able to sell the truth right? It's the government and they are open and honest here right?

Because the stupid and the desperate and the poor SHOULD be paying for the expensive hospital equipment shouldn't they? It's only logical. And it SHOULD definitely be a tax that is addictive... so they will be "compelled" again and again and again to experience the joy that it is to pay for expensive hospital equipment and their own social programs.

YES!
THAT'S IT!

Get these Black Jack Dealers back on the job ASAP!!!!!

13 June 2008

There was a sweet little lass and her name was Mary Mack


I love Last Comic Standing. Stand-up is such a difficult and little understood art form. A comic named Mary Mack just killed last night.

She talks in a Fargo Margie-like accent about coming from "the taxidermy part of Wisconsin"

"After a show, a girl came up to me and asked, what's with your hair... are you wearing product? I was like... what the hell? I don't know but I'm pretty sure I'm in the middle of a drug deal RIGHT NOW."


I had 3 different rounds of laugher at that joke. Once... was 10 minutes after she told it and someone else was doing their set. Hearing the stories of the struggling stand up comic are wild to me. 7...10...15 years touring little clubs and rooms with 30 drunks in them. Making meal money just to tell jokes. Yet I get it. Making people laugh is more addicting than Smack. Just ask Tim Allen.

I'm quite convinced that if I hadn't had an encounter with Jesus in the 14th Grade, I would have taken a legit run at this glamorous life. I know what you're thinking...

"Dave... don't you much more enjoy telling jokes to the bland and the suited?"

Well on one hand... I do love apologizing, being socially ostracized and cold shoulders. LOVE it. On the other hand... I have a hook. A large metal hook.

I get to do the occasional stand-up gig... yet I really don't care how often I do it. I don't want to tour with my "act". I actually just turned down two chances to do stand-up. One at a real live comedy club (garsh said Goofy) and one on Quasi-Christian TV. Why? They conflicted with youth ministry and my family's best interests.

Priorities.

I think one of the most valuable lessons you can learn in life is not just to identify your giftings... but also to identify your passion... then resolve to use those gifting to accomplish what your dream really is. I love communicating. I love encouraging people to dig deeper and discover God. I love to see people encounter freedom. And I want to see God transform a city.

And I COULD help those along from a mic on a stage. But I've always known that this "thing" was primarily meant to be a tool to open doors to new areas of influence. It's done precisely that throughout my life and I fully intend to intentionally continue to use it that way.

"How you doing, folks? It looks like you’re all sitting there…Hey, pal, you got some jokes? Why don’t you start crankin’ ‘em out, circus boy?"
Brian Regan

I love watching people like Mary Mack do her thing. It's exponentially more difficult than you realize. I have the utmost respect for the art form that is stand up comedy. If I had "tried" to do life on my own... I would have done much more of it. But I'm a more complete Dave today for having the courage to let God use it to make Him bigger.



12 June 2008

How would the rapture would effect the election?

Brant Hansen at "Letters from Kamp Krusty" posted this funny blog today about how the rapture would effect the upcoming American election.

Silly Mormons... better get yourself a Kirk Cameron movie stat. (No... not this one)

So I decided to be equally as witty. This is how the rapture would effect the next Canadian election

2006 National election


Canadian Election POST Rapture


See... see because...

No politics, religion or sex talk? I'm not sure I want polite company anyway.


"Never talk about politics, religion or sex in polite company"
Some old human

I recently had someone chastise me for a friendship of mine. Someone who I either politic with, religisize with or have sex with. And I immediately thought of this old bizarre statement. Does actually believe this?

I can't imagine having company over and NOT talking about politics, religion or sex. They are my favorite three things! And of course I have an opinion about all 3. Don't you? Don't you want to know what they are? I want to know what your thoughts are on them!

What does polite company talk about?

Walt Disney?
The Moon?
Claymation?

I'm not sure I want polite company anyway...

Polite:
"of a refined or elegant kind"
"showing good manners toward others"

... actually not having real discussion about important things like politics, religion and sex shows a LACK of refinement.

And being able to listen to... agree OR disagree with each other's views... and still eat pie merrily together DOES show good manners.

So you know what?
Polite company DOES talk about politics, religion and sex!

So... then... on that note

Politics:
THIS picture of Stéphane Dion is funnier each time I see it.

Religion:
People should get over the "weird out" factor of the prophetic. Have you guys read the Bible? It's JACKED fulla weird things that are real

Sex:
I think the honeymoon phase is overrated. You BEGIN to heat up at the 10th anniversary.

Wanna hang out?

11 June 2008

Hanging in "The Tree"


Dave's Yard
Originally uploaded by PEEJ0E.
Last night we had a couple couples of friends do the pop in. Love the pop in!

We dug our way back into "The Tree" and climbed it like monkey/human mutants. It was awesome.

On a side note... people seem to feel very sad about "loosing" this tree. It's not gone if we all remember... cherish the tree in your spirit or something Oprah would say and it will never... OK I don't believe that.

I feel more sad for those posies. And poor Mr Grass. And Uncle Eaves troff.

10 June 2008

J Peterman, Dora, The Incredible Hulk and a Tree walk into a bar...


...well maybe not a bar. But last night I spent numerous hours writing the script for our kids Canada Day show. I call it...

Dora, The Incredible Hulk, and a Tree

They go exploring together and oh the adventures they do have!

My favorite part is that I wrote the Incredible Hulk to be an articulate, slightly timid, orator. Here's a slice of the riveting dialog...

J Peterman (The Narrator): Come hither children of all ages and let me spin you a yarn. Many many years ago in a land far far away... well it wasn't that many years ago... OK.. this happened yesterday... but it is a tale so epic that you'll be shivering like you're a llama on a luxurious arctic vacation.

There once were 3... brave friends... adventurers of the purest heart... explorers with the sharpest of wit... ragamuffin vagabond inquisitor of the finest pedigree...

They were as follows... Dora... The Incredible Hulk... and a Tree. A palm tree to be precise. A talking palm tree to be even more precise.

Dora: (Long Silence) Great! We're going on a mission (long pause) a mission to save the world's biggest pinata. It's filled with candy! Can you say candy? Great!

Tree: candy.... candy... candy... enough candy for all the children of the world to eat and savor and throw around like rice at a wedding in the traditional manor of the bride and the groom or like when scrooge Mcduck frolicked with Hugey Dewey and Louie on Duck Tales...

HULK: Hulk is perplexed

Dora: Great! Vaminos! Let's go!

I think that many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord with sharp dialog like that don't you?

9 June 2008

Smooth Jazz reject pile

Sometimes we come into work and there is a "reject pile" of Smooth Jazz on our lunch table. I suppose the employees are free to "help themselves" to any of the the fabulous music that couldn't crack into the exclusive Smooth Jazz club.

It's like a pine cone main appetizer at a Mr. Noodles buffet.
Here's my fav of the day.

Michael Paulo... "Save the Children". The most controversial album name ever.

How can you disagree with one so smooth such as Paulo? Save the children? Yes I will. With this sword and by my troth I will... in the name of Paulo I will.

When a gigantic oak tree falls in my backyard... does anybody hear?

Check THIS out...


A massive storm-bomb dropped on Brantford last night. And with it, dropped a 200 year old Oak Tree... right into our back yard. It's an unreal sight. This tree is filling 2 backyards and it's root system was pushed backwards, uprooting the fence of another neighbor.

Yet no houses were damaged. It fell in the only, exact, perfect place a 200 year old tree could fall in our neighborhood and not squash a house. It was pin point. This is what we see out of our kitchen window.

Yesterday at church, I preached about influencing families. You can download the Podcast and follow with the slide show at Freedom House's Blog. I talked about how easy it is to use your family and your family situations to make a connection to other families. Sounded logical.

Then a tree crashed into our house.

We were actually driving through town when it happened. When we arrived home, the entire neighborhood was standing outside of our house gawking at our yard. Krissy jumped out of the van and started shouting... "that's awesome!" Ha ha ha... have I mentioned how amazing my wife is?

We met easily 8-10 people we'd never met before who live around us... connected further with a family we've befriended from the kid's elementary school AND I discovered a guy who I went to elementary school with for 9 years... lives 3 doors down from me.

We layed in bed last night discussing what had happened. If it was a God thing or just a nature fluke. This tree was going to come down one day. It was inevitable. Where it fell... HAD to be a God thing. We weren't at home and the kids didn't get freaked by it... maybe a God thing? Meeting the neighbors on the day I preached about meeting neighbors... coincidence? God? Fate? Human nature?

Man I don't know. What I do know is that what I spoke about IS true. It's easy to meet people when you open your doors. Open your yard. Go outside more and start talking. My neighborhood is a bit of an oddity these days in the manner that people DO know each other. They knew each other's names and stories. I discovered that I didn't.

The 200 year old Oak Tree filling my backyard hopefully has opened a door to building relationship with the families in my neighborhood. And whether or not it was God who knocked down my tree, good things will come out of it. It's true with any situation you know. We get altogether too freaked out about our stuff. Trees, and yards, and insurance companies.

Moth and rust.

Everything we are, have and do... belongs to God. We're clay. He loves shaking things up. Knockin' down a few trees here and there to open new doors... showing us again what's real life... and what's not.

8 June 2008

What I learned about families from a Ghanaian elementary school...

My Pastor is away in Lakeland at the revival meetings this week (picking up some spiritual souvenirs) so I'm speaking this morning at Freedom House.

We've been talking about the "Mountains of Influence" that are vital areas that the church needs to impact

Arts and Entertainment

Business

Education

Family

Government

Media

Religion

I'm talking about the family this morning. I learned a valuable lesson about "the family" after spending a week with a Ghanaian elementary school teacher and these kids...


I'll tell you more this morning at Freedom House. 10:30.

Unless of course God goes all Acts 2 on us... then ummm... then we'll likely do something different. Either way... why would you miss it?

...they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.


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