Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

27 September 2008

You Googled WHAT and found me?

1. "where can i buy it stays bum glue for gymnastic leotards in Victoria"

You must be asking because "Bill's bum glue" on 41st went out of business. Well, long story short... but Bill's bum glue is now Big Billy's Bum Glue" on 3rd Ave. Go there for all your bum glue needs.

2. "tshirt i'm horney"

You think my wife would let me out of the house with a I'm horny t-shirt? The first week we were dating I came home to find her in my bedroom with my Mom throwing out my old jeans that had holes in them. No dice on the t.

3. "what a horrible night to have a curse"

This sounds like the third sentence of a Steven King novel.

"It was a dark and stormy night. I finished waltz with the possessed toaster and gave it my hungry eyes as we scurried off together to take a bubble bath. What a horrible night to have a curse."

4. "volleyball players on steroids"

Hulk spike ball. Hulk dive for dig. Hulk use bum glue from Big Billy's...

5. "sweet +bulah land concert tickets"

Dude I scored me some sweet tickets to Beulah land... you know brother... like from Isaiah 62 in the KJ???

"Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate; but thou shalt be called Hephzibah and thy land Beulah; for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married."

You know... Beulah land??? sweet seats... Bueller...

6. "storm make tree falls on house"

Testify sister...next

7. "obama eating melons"

Somewhere on ebay, someone's selling the melon rinds from this whole melon eating incident. Lotta nerve... eating melons... reveling in the melon-afterglow... and all the while John McCain is off solving the nation's gigantic financial problems. For shame you melon muncher you...

8. "lost prophets start something"

Hmm... that could be fun. Ezekiel started cooking with cow manure. You could start something like that again? Just a suggestion. Trying to be helpful.

9. "have you ever reflected on a situation and wish if i knew then what i know now"

Heck yes I have... I would have been MUCH more careful with my Alf bouillabaseball cards if I had ANY idea that the show would be gone that quickly. So sad. Fish Baseball? I really thought it would catch on.

10. "finding jesus in the homeless ontario"

Hmm... I've yet to meet Jesus. But I've met a guy who looks A LOT like Gandolf

11. "flinstone olympic flag"

I'll bet that when it's flown... all of Bedrock has a "gay old time". I just like saying that.

12. "fruit genitalia"

Wow porn searching is strange. You're in a deep dark hole there Billy.
XXXChurch.com... PLEASE... before you go to another supermarket!!!! Do it for shoppers and produce hounds everywhere.

13. "dionbook"

And now introducing Dionbook. It's incredibly expensive... too confusing for anyone to understand... written in perfect gibberish... and you'll likely loose your job just by reading it. New from Random House.

14. "do anyone win money at brantford casino"

No Cleatus... nobody do. Do something better with your nickels OK?

15. "dumbo daves ears"

You don't think they were ACTUALLY looking for me do you?

16. "cfl video game"

It could never happen could it? The Rouge is too complex to write into code.

17. "women that have a poo then make sandwiches"


...I got nothing.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

For the love of all that is good...WARN me next time. My laptop got spat on from laughing so hard.

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