Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

24 October 2008

You Googled WHAT and found me?


And now it's time to find the funniest things that people Googled this month... and somehow wound up on my blog. Some doozies this month. As always... this is not for the faint of heart... or the easily offended. Just real, raw, googling action by world wide weirdos.


1."spandex public erection"

What is my 6th Grade nightmare Alex

2. "yet sex dominates our thoughts
"

That's a great ending to any sentence. Makes you sound smart. Try it

"I wanted to eat some toast this morning... yet sex dominates our thoughts"
"I started doing my math homework... yet sex dominates our thoughts"
"My home just lost half its value and it's Mr Noodle for dinner again... yet sex dominates our thoughts"

Nice work you horny professor you.

3. "theology out of dumbo"

(In my best TD Jakes voice) The ELephant Dumbo... is stoe-ree of ah... EPIC proportions. That ELephant didn't believe he could-AH... rise on the wings of the EEEEEagle! Yet it was a TINY mouse's faith like a mustard seed who beLEEEEved in Dumbo. And Dumbo doth spread his giGANTIC ears and did a MEEEERicle to a thunderous chorus of hallelujahs!!!! Praise the Lord. Please be seated.


4. "stephen dion poop dove"

Did you know that according to the National Science Foundation's "Tree of Life" project... the number of species on earth is estimated to be anywhere from 5 million to 100 million but roughly 2 million have been cataloged?

I think there MUST be room to call one the Stephane Dion Poop Dove. It's stunningly beautiful. A real crowd pleaser.

5. "steven is a silly poo"

He sure is.

6."proverb on nipple care"

Hmm... well there is the Song of Solomon 7:

Your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me.


So if boobs are fruit... maybe the nipple is the stem? And the Bible doesn't speak much about stems. There are roots, vines, trees, branches, fruit, boobs... but no nipples. Sorry. I tried.

7."positive quitting"

I've never quit something positively. I've used the term "pull that pickle out of your butt with a huge set of tongs" when quitting... but I don't recall that ending well.

8."november 29 2008 brantford, ontario thanksgiving"

Sorry. Too late Earl. Turkey's all gone. See ya next season.

9. "i can has sex?"

I doubts it Clem.

10. "funny fasting food"

it's HILARIOUS to fast meat... the way you loose all your energy... hahahaha... and when you fast caffeine and your body shuts down from withdrawal... it's a RIOT!!! LOLlololol... Oh stop me now, I'm rolling on the floor over here.

11. "church communication methods video projector"

It's the desperate Googlings of a 75 year old board member on the "AV committee" after being told that the overheard doesn't work anymore.

12. "Derek webb shit in church"

Did he now?

13. "God creation god creation god creation god creation god creation god creation god creation dot mack and michael jackson the the the the the the the th"

Weirdest... search... ever.

14. "do big ears skip a generation?"

Listen... your kids should be so lucky to have big ears! Friends of our just discovered last week that their boy has one big ear. Their kid looked up at them excitedly and said, "Just like Dave Carrol! I have Dave Carrol ears!" He's 6 years old. And brilliant.

3 comments:

candidchatter said...

This made me laugh till corn came out of my nose. Yes I said corn. I am eating corn. Sick picture, eh? But it happened. You, my bloggy friend, are freaking hysterical.

Heidi Reed

Dave Carrol said...

Heidi this may be the greatest compliment anyone has every given me.

Truly.

The corn out the nose is QUITE an honor.

Thank you very much.
My day has been made... with corn
Dave

candidchatter said...

ROFL! And i meant every word. ;)

Heidi

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