Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

30 December 2008

You Googled WHAT and found me?

One last time for 2008... the funniest things that people Googled this month... and found my blog.

1. "worlds fattest man's intestines explode"

THAT would be bad. Unless you were wearing goggles. And a smock of some kind. That's ridiculous, who wears a smock? Maybe a clay artist. So it would DEFINITELY be bad unless you were doing pottery with the worlds fattest man when his intestines exploded. But not near the kiln. That would also be bad.

2. "what was tim horton driving when he died"

A double double. Like... like 2 sets of 2 tires is what I mean. See because... oh never mind.

3. "ultrasound said boy but it's a girl!"

This was searched for by a sobbing dad on a blue laptop in a baby blue bedroom, curled up in the fedal position in a transformers crib, while mopping his tears with a tiny little baseball hankie

4. "the worlds fattest dog and how much they white"

I'm not sure how a dog can "white" itself. But it got me interested to find the world's fattest dog. So after 2 and a half years of travelling the globe, going from county fair to county fair, and radio morning show contests everywhere from Moose Jaw to Moose Factory... I finally tracked down the world's fattest dog.

Then I ate him. But he didn't "white" at all. Burp.

5. "tenth class bits"

Oh I've got plenty of those Sally. Just wait and see what 10th class bits 2009 has in store!

6. "square dancer demographics"

Pretty old is my guess

7. "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"


8. "smurf bumper sticker"

Someone should keep an eye on this person. They are either a very sweet, sentimental cutesy pie... or a serial killer.

9. "monkey poo msn wink"

Half of the time I don't understand what the youngsters are saying to me with their net/text code speak. I pay pretty close attention in the non-verbal communication department... but how do you interpret having online monkey poo winked at you?

10. "mrs claus porn"

I try to keep the rude stuff out of these lists...

... but really???

11. "lost leg in a crackhouse"

Now where did I leave that leg? Oh no. There will be kittens and magazines that smell like vinegar all over it.

12. "fun gifts for a urologist"

  • edible catheters
  • a novelty toy that periodically screams "OH NOOOOOOOO" for the operating room
  • a year's supply of apple juice and litmus tests
  • A Vas Deferens shaped licorice rope. (It's extra fun to get him to cut it into pieces)

13. "info@gg.ca"

This one was searched for an astounding number of times this month! It's the email address of the governor general of Canada. See if you can tell which day people wanted voice their opinions to her...
Turns out she listened.


Tadie said...

I... found this blog by searching for "licorice rope bondage"

Thought you might want a laugh, cuz I certainly did.

Dave Carrol said...

Absolutely fabulous. Blogs win again.

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