Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

29 April 2009

The Swine Flu is here... cease lip-kissing immediately or Dotty will kill you in cold blood

You know... I'm fearful of the swine flu, but I COULD fear more. This helpful 1976 instructional video on how to best fear the swine flu should help.

What I learned from the 30 second ad:

  • Don't think... just inject yourself with the closest medication... whatever it is, just use drugs now.
  • Just because you shoot jumpshots and talk fluently in "jive" doesn't mean the piggy can't get you
  • Even healthy old men with Bert-like unibrow with be taken down. The guy even GOLFS. Seriously.
  • The results seem to be mild discomfort, distant wistful periods of thought, and half drunken glasses of water

Well that's good information for everyday application for sure. What about the 60 second ad?

  • Joe kissed a pig at the office... then his wife. That's a bad marital choice. Not even a happy mustache can cover that up... sicko
  • Joe's a child lip-kisser. And a MOTHER IN LAW lip-kisser??? JOE!! Yuck. I blame Joe's indiscreet kissing for the swine flu.
  • Joe's mother-in-law is no better. She kissed Mean Joe Greene... then a charming stewardess moments later. Don't you know there's an EPIDEMIC lady???
  • Then this silver fox got home to see her "friend (if ya know what I mean)" and she killed her via lip-kissing
  • Dotty took out quite... a number... of people on her way to the grim grave. Dotty was one... cold... chick. Even a dog?

Quite a disturbing flu indeed. I think I have enough information now to, with a level head, run and hide for a decade or. I think maybe I'll get a bubble to live in. That way I can still lip kiss strangers and the elderly... just through a safe layer of plastic.


I could calm down and not live in fear of flu.
Maybe that's a better idea after all.

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