Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

3 August 2009

Relationships are not like 10th Grade Math Class

I failed 10th grade math I failed twice. The first time around I knew I was in over my head and aborted the mission at about week three. I knew I was headed for disaster when I was answering problems with stanzas of classic poetry. Turns out, those who mathamatize don't give part marks for humor. My 45% was a surprise to nobody. The second time around, I knew the only way out of 10th Grade math purgatory was to get down to business and solve those problems. I poured over the numbers and letters. My 49% was a surprise to nobody. Mercifully my teacher had pity on me and told me he'd fake a 50% if I promised to never come back. He suggested turning my focus to telling jokes and pretending to be trapped by an invisible box down the hall in Drama class. Knowing that this skill would eventually come in handy when doing evangelistic outreaches while miming the smashing of beer bottles and breaking free from chains, I took the deal.


Relationships are not like 10th Grade math. Because no matter how elusive the answers to the math equations are, there ARE answers in the back of the book. If you work hard enough at it, you'll arrive at an answer. A=B. Using the proper sequence of pre-determined absolutes will result in the once and for all solution to the problem. Once you "get there", you can close your workbook and go to sleep confident that each x and y are sleeping peacefully in their own finite bed. Sweet dreams you wacky variables you.

Relationships are not like 10th Grade math. Relationships are more like running naked through a never ending gauntlet in front of your 10th Grade math class... AS A METHOD of success. Charming. Relationships can leave you exposed for the country bumpkin (which is defined as someone who drives past a field of long grass and thinks “let's eat that”) you are. The relationship equation is an extraordinarily complex one that seems to have changing variables from day to day... even with person you share your bed, bath and beyond with. The relationship equation is more like:


A= (x+selfishness) - y times running naked through math class divided by love to the power of Jesus.

That should be easy to solve. And it's nice to The Lord make an appearance. Remember when Homer renewed his marriage vows to Marge after years of... well... being Homer. After years of bumbling, belching, scratching, failing, judging, screaming, strangling, and loving? As presided over by Reverend Love Joy:



"Dearly beloved, I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you Marge take Homer in richness and poorness, poorness is underlined, in impotence and im-potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet powered monkey navigated... and it goes on like this."



A decade in... Homer knew it was best to cover all his bases, because he'd seen and lived the results of relationships being hard. He wanted to make sure that the covenant he was functioning with covered his 10th Grade naked math class running. It's also how our relationship with God works. It's a messy, sloppy conversation in progress using a variable packed equation. Thankfully... there IS one constant.

Matthew 26:28
This is my blood of the
covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

1 comment:

Just Relationship Advice said...

Developing a good relationship is a complex process, and not something that can be done by following a formula. However, just relationship advice offered by reliable sources can be useful in guiding how you connect with your partner and what you do to improve your relationship.

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