Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

29 August 2009

What Old Navy Needs

I stood in Old Navy today... watching other dazed Dad's do the same thing as me. Pushing a stroller with a vacuous, glassy-eyed glaze, behind their wife and walking-kids as they dig through a bevy of pants, skirts, sizes and colors from what seems like a bottomless supply of options.

We hear distant mumbles that are vaguely recognizable like:

"Do you think this shade of blue goes well with her eyes?... Or "Can you believe he's in a size 3 ... remember when he was a 1X?"... Or "Is the seat of those trousers too bunchy? They're bunchy aren't they? You think they're bunchy don't you?"

There are no answers to these questions. Just a vacuous cavern of nothingness that will eventually implode into a ... "OK... WE'RE DONE. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE" The only way to save lives and marriages is a designated Dad's area filled with sports highlights and leather couches. The first clothes store who does this well will be the winner.

It benefits Old Navy, because eventually Me and my brethren drag the women away from shopping kicking and screaming. This does not have to be. No one needs to die. I'm not even sure we care how many items wind up in the giant Old Navy bags or how long our wives and kids take trying on every t-shirt in the clothing universe... as long as we don't have to stand there are answer questions to which there are no answers. And because of it... we'll cut the trip short. Last night's sports highlights calm this mental storm. Ladies, you know how you can't haul us away from sports on TV... this is using our "flaws" to your advantage!

We can even give you our opinion on things... maybe you could attach a web-cam apparatus to your head and when you're ready for our one word answer, you could buzz a buzzer of some description we have attached to our bits and pieces, and your image would appear in the lower right part of the flat screen TV. "Yep" or "Nope" we'd say. And our answer would mean more because our brains are engaged because we're in discussion with other Dads about Michael Vick's contribution to the new wild-cat formations of the Eagles or why JP Richardi should be fired.

See... it's perfect.
If you are this place of business that would like to hire me to implement these and other genius ideas... bigearcreations@gmail.com.

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