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27 November 2009

Science be praised! They're finally talking with the Martians!

From today's Toronto Star:
RESPECTED SCIENTIST SAYS ALIENS ARE AMONG US

Finally!

Here are some much anticipated highlight's coming from Astrophysicist Latchezar Filipov, head of the Space Research Institute at the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences... better known as "Mr. Science 2009".

1. He and his colleagues are in contact with extraterrestrials who are "living among us." And they don't like what they see.


- Well... maybe you shouldn't have stationed them all in Western New York... and Bulgaria!


2. "We sent (the aliens) 30 questions about global problems," said Filipov, who was vague about how he actually conveyed the queries. "And now we have some answers." The "answers" came in the form of pictograms in crop circles.


- When he had the meeting for the original "questionnaire" drop-off with Spacey-Stacey... maybe the barter agreement should have included the exchange of email addresses so the martians would have a more clear method of filling in the blanks. They also should have exchanged local candy products. Just to shake it up.


3. Filipov says the aliens are here, observing us, but unobservable by us for some reason.


- For some reason. For some reason they only appear as six foot rabbits named Harvey. For some reason.

4. Filipov asked the aliens about the SETI, the broad umbrella project searching for alien life, and the supposed end of the world in 2012, when the Mayan calendar expires.He told the Star that the aliens have told him SETI doesn't work, owing to a confusion about communication through "magnetic fields." They also said there is some truth in the 2012 predictions, having something to do with volcanoes in Mexico.


- OOOOOOOOK. Be mindful of Mexican volcanoes. Gotcha. Who knew that martians followed the Mayan calender. I'll bet them Mayan calenders will be popular Christmas items since so much seems to revolve around them.


5. Further, more prosaic revelations include that the aliens are angry about global warming, disagree with in-vitro fertilization and don't like cosmetics


- The aliens are hippies? Do they AT LEAST shave their armpits?


6. This work is only beginning, Filipov cautioned, and he is still open to the fact that he could be mistaken – "I don't yet believe that this is absolutely true information."


- "But we're hoping. Well... especially me. That tape recorder wasn't on right?"


7."In Bulgaria now, we have a very strange reaction to my research," Filipov said. "The people in Bulgaria are frightened, they don't understand this."You must understand that this is a very complicated situation."


- That look in those glossy Bulgarian eyes isn't fright Dr Science.

3 comments:

Jeff said...

Sounds like somebody needs to take a sabbatical...

Dave Carrol said...

I don't know Jeff.... he makes a very convincing argument.

SHUGGY said...

"THEY DISAGREE?? ON WHAT?! IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT HERE THEY'VE GOT 2 OPTIONS, ONLY 2:

1. GO BACK TO THEIR GALAXY
2. OR START HELPING THESE POOR
HUMANS BECOME BETTER RACE.

BUT, ABOVE ANYTHING I BELIEVE THEY ARE HERE AND THEY NEED TO BE SHOWN
TO HUMANS NOW, RIGHT NOW.

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