Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

1 February 2010

Sexual Mindsets: THIS is about THAT


This week I watched the power of sexuality play out before my eyes... and not in a good way. Without going into the scenario, let me just say that as I listened to Craig Gross's "The Dirty Little Secret" audiobook (thanks again Zondervan), combined with this incident... I was again reminded just how vital a healthy sexual mindset is to our healthy everyday lives. The results of ignorance and/or being lax in our vigilance are potentially devastating. Gross says specifically about those caught in the pornography trap,

"The casualties are dying in a slow cooker"


And it holds true to any of us caught in unhealthy sexual mindsets. It's not always quick... but it can be deadly. A while back I wrote a blog about called "The 'how long sex take compared to how important it is' meter". I wrote:

Did you know that a new study has shown that "optimal sex" only takes 3-13 minutes? That's not that long. And 3 to 13 minutes a couple times a week does not constitute a great percentage of a human's time. Yet sex dominates our thoughts, our plans, our words... it's enormous. Those 20 minutes a week can either build us up or tear us down.

The "you won't do x,y,z" discussion is a VERY common thing. It's something we all experience but left undealt with, it leads to isolation, resentment, jealousy, etc... And when you consider that "x" would be 2 minutes out of 20 in a week... "y" would only be 1 minute a week, and "z", barely 30 seconds a week... answers MUST be closer than we feel like they are if we'll talk and be honest.

Maybe there are "x y z" reasons that "x y z" actions don't happen. Maybe good reasons. But nothing can't be overcome. Talking about "x y z" can be awkward. It makes you feel very vulnerable. Because the reality is that "xyz" is not about "xyz". As Rob Bell talks about in "Sex God", THIS is about THAT. The weekly 20 minutes of naked, both reflects and shapes our clothed relationship that fills the other 167.2 hours.


Today I'm thinking about the THAT's in our lives. It's our "THAT's" that not only effect our current"this"... but our future "this's", other people's "this's" and a whole lot of our other "that's" too (just for good measure).

It's awful hard to even sleep peacefully when something in our lives is out of alignment sexually. Whether it's fighting lust alone, everyday relational tension, or battling an unhealthy mindset that has been ingrained into us (either self-inflicted or imposed on us against our will). "THAT'S" are everywhere when it comes to sex. And they are only resolved through being on top of them through constant self-analysis.

But what are we looking for? Often it's selfish attitudes (that may or may not lead into action... right now at least) that give footholds to little areas of bondage that rob freedom. And not the freedom to be a sexual maniac. That's an unreal, unnatural image that the porn industry has so successfully conned us into believing is reality. Craig Gross will tell you that over the years as he's built relationships with those inside the porn industry... that even the porn stars know that it's a farce. To them it's work. Unpleasant sex that they claim doesn't much effect their real sex life because it bears little resemblance to anything natural. And it's intentionally designed to hook you. To drag you (willingly and hungrily) deeper into further realms of depravity.

Thinking about sex a lot... is entirely natural. And it's GOOD! Think about how many of our decisions in life are, even in a round about way, based around charming the opposite sex. In high school when I was in the flirting stage with my wife, I remember wearing a pair of khaki pants (completely out of my character) instead of my usual ripped jeans one day... just to turn her head my way. Success. She remembers it to this day. Heck... I'm wearing khaki pants today for much the same reason.

It's so telling that this act that takes so little of our actual time perspectively, yet fills our consciousness and subconsciousness so often... is designed to be done naked and vulnerable with your best friend in the safest of places. It's designed to bring peace and unity. It's designed to give you even a brief glimpse of a place where pain doesn't exist... but "together" is forever. And when we don't have that... we had better work to get it there for everyone's sake.

This is about That.

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