Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

23 June 2010

The top 5 Biblical characters who have gotten the shaft by history

5- John the Baptist

He's number 5 because history has done him PRETTY well. He WAS that one voice crying in the wilderness. But it's the annual church Easter play that is never kind to John the Baptist's legacy. He's always kind of a mix of Mr. Burns during his "See my vest" song and Hacksaw Jim Dugan. I mean... I get that he WAS a locusts and honey kinda fella but the short burlap sack on a theater stage surrounded by all those bathrobes and flip flops hasn't done him well!

4- St. Peter

Simply because of the jokes. There are about 4000 old jokes where either Raquel Welch, Rodney Dangerfield, Milton Berle or some old human dies and arrives at "The Pearly Gates". It's always Peter who meets them and has to take their sass talk. How did Peter get the opening the gate job??? I'd be less than pleased if I was him. I mean... he was a MAIN CHARACTER in THE book and he gets the equivilant to the no-pension Walmart greater gig?? No dice. And speaking of dice...

3- Tie between Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias

Ever heard of them? Of course not. They are "The Others". You used to learn Sunday School songs about the 12 disciples Jesus called to help him... but it was an old list. I mean... JUDAS made the song! These two made the cut only after "The Incident". And it was via dice rolling to see who was "in". But then they were the in the inner circle when the whole stinkin' book of Acts was written during the glory years! I suppose it might have been because Joseph was called Barsabbas and was ALSO known as Justus... and that's hard to rhyme in a song.

2- Tie between Dorcas and Nimrod

Same reason. Is there really an explanation needed? You know how Christians like to name their kids Biblical names? Dorcas and Nimrod... not so much.

1- Onan

Come on now. Onan needs a hug. The man has been known for all eternity as the masturbation guy. If I was Onan's family, I'd be circulating one of those Facebook petitions asking for people to realize that their great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Grandfather's sin was because he did not impregnate their great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Aunt. NOT masturbation. Sure he spilled seed on the ground... but ... wait a minute ... both are pretty uncomfortable legacies. One little seed spilling and Onan (regardless of ANYTHING else he did with his life) has been known for all eternity as the seed spiller.

1 comment:

johngf said...

I've heard of people called Dorcas, but not Nimrod. He's by tradition as the guy who united the people by war after the flood and instigated the tower of Babel, and that his mother was one of the first false gods. Nimrod is supposedly also the same as Marduk, so I suppose the people called Mordecai (named in Marduk's honour) are representing well enough.

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