Writer, Church leader, Eccentric Nut, Marketer

I'm Church Leader, Writer, Speaker, Marketer, Kindness Project Founder, Broadcaster and Superhero. But most important I'm a Husband, Father and a worshiper of Jesus.

30 November 2010

You Googled WHAT and found me?

Stats say that every month, there are 2,733,000,00 Google searches done globally. Stats say that in November, 2482 of them found their way to Big Ear Creations. These are the funniest ones.

"your dad no nipples"

NO yo daddy ain't got no nipples. Burn.

"you are insignificant wallpaper"
When you wake up in the morning, there's nothing like the personal touch of 'you are insignificant wallpaper' to remind you of your place in this world. Demoralization Decor is all the rage these days in Paris.

"whats spaecial in december"
Cap on head? Suit that's red? Special night? Beard of white? He's pretty spaecial. I know there aren't many signs of him in the stores but he's very popular. Not a real public figure... more of a grassrooty underground guy.

"who's a person that tells stories about stories"
A very unpopular elderly uncle? A PBS or CBC Radio host? Don Cherry?

"will god hold it against you if you bring your kids out halloween night"
Yes it's very likely. I'd also consider staying away from round haircuts, bacon, condoms, polyester and letting people without testicles into your church. Those and Halloween are burnable offenses.

ugly girl making kissing lips"
Yes... obviously this is something you should Google during your lunch break. I hope you have a fruitful day.

the holy face your passport to heaven"
Define 'the holy face'. Kinda like this?

Done. Now where did I leave my shroud?

"the trinity tattoos"
Theologians and artists have been trying to depict the Holy mystery of the 3 in 1 for Eons. But LA ink made it happen? You went with the vapor/water/ice thing right?

sniff glue worship satan"
It's the only natural progression from huffing. That's what happend to Lloyd Bridges after Airplane. Satan worship.

"rapture funny"
Quoth a post appoloclytic Incredible Hulk

"moving going too fast coyote roadrunner it guys are going too fast"

male sock worship"
Gross. Dang Sodomites. In a Charlton Heston voice, "Thall shalt have no others Gods before me. And that includes stockings"

"how did the fattest man and his wife honeymoon?"
On a flatbed truck?

"fundamentalist barbie"
Finally a barbie pius enough for the saints of God. Blouse buttons done up to the neck. She's judgmental of the whorey cleavage exposing barbies. She proudly recites the begats when you pull the string.

funny looking accountability partner"
I'm thankful that the leadership team appointed Ernie to me. I can talk to him about my secrets and all... but that goiter.

"a child has shouted in my son's ears and now he is complaining his ear hurts"
Let me speak louder then. "IT'S BECAUSE SOMEONE SHOUTED INTO HIS EARS AND SHOUTING IS LOUD" Just happy to be a blessing"

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