There is no remote reciprocal equivalent to the relentless male barrage pursuit of the female that I've come to believe is one of the primary motivating forces in this world.
I don't believe that's an overstatement. Comedians, writers, commentators and their ilk have noted it for years... often in jest because of it's seemingly bottomless limit, absurd results and the inexplicable inability of men to harness this urge. It's funny... kinda. But I imagine it would be as obnoxious to be on the female receiving end as I KNOW it's been on male anxious, yet clueless end of the exchange.
Jerry Seinfeld famously observed:
"I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I’m not getting the signals. Women, everything they do is subtle.. men are not subtle. We are obvious. Women know what men want; men know what men want. What do we want? We want women, that’s it! It’s the only thing we know for sure. How do we get them? Oh, we don’t know ’bout that. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we’ve had so far. The man is in the car... the woman walks by the front of the car... he honks. This man is out of ideas. What is he expecting? For the woman to stop and say 'Hey you honked at me. That’s so sweet ... I never knew you felt this way!'"
I saw nearly this exact scenario play itself out this weekend. I feigned amazement. Coming back from the Blue Jays game on Monday, we found ourselves in completely stopped traffic. Like PARKED, engines off, people playing Frisbee on the 403 kinda traffic. Right before we were about to move after an hour, my carload witnessed a 50 year old man take the plunge and give a 25 year old attractive blonde girl his phone number.
"I've been gazing at you in your Passat and you're quite fetching. Maybe this accident wasn't an accident. I can't lose you."
At least that's what I imagined he said. It was likely equally as stupid. Inside however, he was just desperately scrambling to verbalize a primal grunt of "ME SEE GIRL. ME WANT GIRL. UHHHH.... GIRL!!!!" As sad and fruitless an attempt as it was... there was a degree of empathy inside our van. We've been there.
I wish this wasn't true. But it IS true and everyone on both sides if this equation knows it to be true. I'm guessing that trying to somehow strategically position himself, down to the detail, was how this dude spent his hour in traffic. Making sure One Direction didn't come of the radio so she'd lose interest. Ensuring that his bicep was angled on a visually optimal angle on the car door so there was a minimal about of flab showing. This is NOT an exaggeration of the mind of men. We both know it. Men want woman and woman KNOW it and subsequently must spend an inordinate amount of time planning gentle rejection and hoping that it's going to stop one day. It won't.
We've got to be aware of this in ministry too. This summer doing our street barbeques, we've had a much larger population of young girls than guys volunteering. These girls ROCK. And the drunk guys eatin' free hot dogs know it too. I spend a great percentage of my time on the street strategically positioning myself between the hitonER and the hitonEE. It's like a runaway train of failed male flirt attempts. But these girls are not ignorant to this fact... because they are girls!
- We can't control this
- We CAN control this
We can't control the fact that men are created in A way by God. And that way seems to include the pursuit of the female. It leads to great things and needs to be continued into marriage. But we MUST control it as well. If men were left unrestrained in this area... it would be chaos! A gentleman controls himself. In fact... all you men who don't know what to do to get the attention of a woman... here's a tip. The lack of self control in this area is a deterrent to your goal and thus should be adhered to.
Married guys... we need to remember this too.
On the other side of the coin, I remember Chris Rock doing a very funny bit (that I wouldn't be able to put in my blog... because it was Chris Rock) about his wife rejecting him sexually because woman are SO used to rejecting the advances of men. Their whole day is one big rejection fest so it's easy to forget to stop! This can be a big problem in marriage. Again... managing and controlling this dynamic so very important to a healthy relationship.
Single people... you think this stops when you get married??? We're out of ideas too.