What's challenging this 36 year old in regards to sex these days is different than it was almost 15 years ago when I got married and began having sex. When I was first married I used to be curious about how to make this whole process work functionally because even though we both WANTED it to... things didn't click NEARLY as often as we wished it did. There were many frustrating nights where we couldn't get our emotions, relationship issues and physical desires in line.
Can I get a testify?
Now that I'm a somewhat older married person, we've figured many of the rudimentary bits and pieces out. Sex is WAAAAAAY better than it's ever been. But, ironically/Murphy's Lawish, it's tougher to find time for it. Kids, long late work hours & emotionally draining ministry can all push our thoughts FAR away from each other. And it's the same no matter how good it is when we DO make the time.
What to do?There isn't a study that's ever been done (either scientific or man-on-the-street) that doesn't overwhelming say that good sex helps make a good marriage and a good marriage leads to good sex. It's as important as sound financial management, foundations of faith and good communication skills.
Don't buy it? Start doing any kind of counseling ministry... and get ready. In Youth and Young Adult ministries that I've run... I've done anonymous sex-question boxes where I've read out the student's embarrassing questions had frank discussion about them. People in AND out of marriage are wanting to know more about marital sexuality and what it should look like... AS WELL as what are healthy sexual standards/thoughts during singlehood too. It matters.
"The Marriage Bed" is one of the best Christian Sex resources I've ever found. It has great articles, encouragement and even a huge database of active chats about EVERY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP TOPIC UNDER THE SUN where Christians sharpen each other and ask the embarrassing questions that they genuinely want to know more about but are afraid to admit. Facebook here and Twitter here.
Last week they tweeted this important nugget of wisdom:
When you are married you don't HAVE to have sex, you GET TO have sex! #SexTip
— The Marriage Bed (@themarriagebed) November 2, 2012
There isn't a covenantal relationship participant that hasn't groaned at the thought of sex sometimes. But it's rare that the end result of sex within marriage isn't some degree of connection. Not all sex is GREAT. Not every session is a memorable and an emotional experience. Sometimes it's a giant flop that we need to just learn to laugh about.
There isn't another thing under the sun that can (be it momentarily) shut EVERYTHING else out and simply connect two souls, spirits and bodies like sex. Nothing. It's YOURS and spouses alone. Your covenantal contract has GIVEN you the Godly context to join together with another person in a divinely inspired way.
What's challenging me these days? Changing my attitude about God's gift on a more regular basis. We're given moments and windows and time-frames within marriage where we can choose connection or choose the consuming outside world. We don't HAVE TO have sex... we GET to. Lord knows we can't live in this place all the time... but if we're smart, we sure should visit as often as we can.