"I had a quinoa salad for lunch. It was SO so good. Do you know how many calories that quinoa salad had? Not many. I even know what the daily caloric percentage for that quinoa salad as calculated for my body weight. I heard about it on the O network. That Oprah... you've really got to hand it to her. Well after that quinoa salad, I went for brisk walk. I did. And I wore a purple jumpsuit. But it wasn't that deep purple that you love... it was a pale purple like my Aunt Agnes used to wear. She loved that color because she had a doll as a little girl... whose eyes were that color. She always said that she'd get lost in those eyes. I wonder what it would be like to get lost in an eye. What's in an eye anyway? Probably veins. Did you know that my veins are narrower than most people's veins? They are. That's why, when I get really worked up, they turn a slightly deeper shade because of the lack of blood flow. Or at least that's what the public health nurse told me once. Remember when we'd rinse with fluoride rinse in schools while listening to the Smurfs dental song? Why did we do that? Why don't we do it anymore? Did you know that the French for Smurfs is Les Schtroumpfs? It is. I don't know why. Do you know why? The French are weird. Why do we have to pay more for French food than other food? And it's all so rich. SO so rich. And you get less but you pay more for French food. That's a sad thing about eating out right? It's not like back when we'd go to the Ponderosa Buffet and we'd get our fill. Remember Bonanza? You don't? I guess you're too young. I'm going to tell you about it anyway. It had that Lorne Greene in it. He was Canadian I think. Google him. He was right? Ha. I was right. I always get him confused with Bruno Gerussi from the Beachcombers. I LOVE the beach. Don't you just LOVE the beach? I found a 20 dollar bill on the beach once! I walked over to a lady, who had this gorgeous red handbag... who told me incidentally that it was a hand-me-down from a friend who actually acted as an extra in one of those Chevy Chase movies. Anyway I asked this lady, who believe it or not had a Croatian accent. I know that because I actually asked her. I had to know. She sounded so exotic. ANYWAY, I asked this lady if she lost 20$ because I found 20$ on the beach and she said no. So I took the money went right into the casino. Did you know that they will give you all the free Gingerale that you want as long as you're playing the slots? Well I only wanted to spend that 20$ because I don't want to be one of those people who loose more than they can afford at the casino. Those people are so sad. My neighbor back in Calgary was one of those people. He had a cowboy hat bigger than you'd believe. You know what they say about people with big hats right? So I thought I'd get an "old-fashioned" like Don Draper drinks and they told me that they didn't make "old-fashions" How do you even say that drink plural? Is it old-fashioneds or old-fashions? That's hard to say. Grammar sucks anyway. So instead I just got a free gingerale. Did you know that they'll give you a free gingerale as long as you're playing the slots? So I sat down right beside a machine with stars all over it. That's what I heard someone tell me once and they were a VERY lucky person. So I played slots for 20 minutes and came out 5 dollars ahead so I got another Gingerale and went home. Did I tell you that they will give you all the free gingerale you want as long as you're playing slots?"
"And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening"
Simon and Garfunkel