tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post2747033281999944938..comments2023-10-25T08:45:06.229-04:00Comments on Dave Carrol : The "how long sex takes compared to how important it is" meterDave Carrolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12138953216264463289noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post-21507278531143623202008-10-16T13:56:00.000-04:002008-10-16T13:56:00.000-04:00Another good ministry is Covenant Eyes. They have ...Another good ministry is Covenant Eyes. They have a cutting edge accountability software that is used by tens of thousands of people worldwide.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post-72439277157381373972008-10-06T16:16:00.000-04:002008-10-06T16:16:00.000-04:00I don't there is a BOOM... now it's healthy thing....I don't there is a BOOM... now it's healthy thing. I think it's just like the rest of our life. There are breakthroughs... regressions (if we let it slip away), victories and defeats. <BR/><BR/>I think the biggest concepts in this blog is that sex is a reflection of your rest of the time relationship. And that THIS is about THAT<BR/><BR/>Rob Bell in Sex God says<BR/><BR/>"This is really about that. It's always about something else. Something deeper. Something behind it all" <BR/><BR/>our sex struggles are about trust... insecurity... self image... lies we believe. he talks about how it's literally a moment of touching heaven when you can not think of pain, tears, sadness etc... and it's why we need it so badly. So tackling the emotional mountains can bring liberty into the bedroom.<BR/><BR/>Not that I'm even remotely an expert. We've fumbled our way along in our 10 years of marriage through issue after issue. Sometimes finding freedom and sometimes realizing that to find the freedom we want... we'll have to try again and dig deeper.Dave Carrolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12138953216264463289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post-28533119892312179512008-10-06T12:44:00.000-04:002008-10-06T12:44:00.000-04:00Heidi,A healthy sexual relationship is what my hus...Heidi,<BR/>A healthy sexual relationship is what my husband and I have, after many years of counseling and personal growth. Some couples wouldn't need that much help, but what can I say? I'm a special needs gal. (wry smile) Seriously, when it came to sex, I had a lot to overcome. So when I started to experience healthy sex I just had to say something which is why I started my blog. Would love to see you come by and visit sometime.Sensuous Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01684099151087715262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post-88980833405882139562008-10-06T12:17:00.000-04:002008-10-06T12:17:00.000-04:00Bingo!As a woman who has been "betrayed" twice by ...Bingo!<BR/><BR/>As a woman who has been "betrayed" twice by her usually very loving and attentive husband (to porn), I can say if it is left unchecked it can rip a relationship apart at the seams. Even a good solid one. Thankfully my husband dealt with and overcame his addiction. But now that I'm pregnant again (and both times he betrayed me to porn I was pregnant), I am having trust issues once again wondering if anything is going on.. wanting to check his computer.. and he knows this because i am very honest about my feelings regarding this issue.<BR/><BR/>On the flip side, porn is also very tempting for women. It's just too easy to access and I can be too curious for my own good.<BR/><BR/>Healthy sexual relationship? What the hell is that? Seriously! What is that? I have never known it. Ever. I'll be blogging about this soon so stay tuned.<BR/><BR/>Heidi ReedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26869407.post-28506483619991842172008-10-06T12:08:00.000-04:002008-10-06T12:08:00.000-04:00Good post, Dave. There is so much good stuff in yo...Good post, Dave. There is so much good stuff in your article I want to respond to. <BR/><BR/>It's so frustrating to read stories like this because I can see the dynamic where couples either spiral upward or spiral downward. We have such a profound influence on each other as husbands and wives yet at the same time we are each responsible for our own actions. <BR/><BR/>Whatever the cause of the spiral, my experience and years of women sharing their story with me has taught me that the way to switch the spiral from downward to upward is to make a core decision to deal with your own stuff and do the right thing regardless of how your spouse may choose to respond. <BR/><BR/>Whether your downward spiral is a situation where you and your spouse are under stress and every thing they say or do seems to get on your last nerve or something more dangerous like addiction, it's all about making that choice to do the right thing by your spouse regardless of how they choose to respond.<BR/><BR/>That takes guts. <BR/>That is a leap of faith. <BR/>And most people when they take that leap of faith, they are hoping inside that a higher power will honor their right choice. Whatever your spiritual beliefs, to do the right thing with no guarantee your partner will do the right thing in return, that's a leap of faith that a higher power will reward your good choice. My higher power happens to be Jesus. I can tell you that my love for God and my believe that he will take care of me when I stick my neck out to make the right choice, that has made all the difference for me. Time and time again.<BR/><BR/>I'll give an example of how this might look for the woman from the article. The woman who can see clear signs that her husband is acting out an out of control sex addiction.. for her the hard scary leap of faith choice might be to get help, by seeking the resource you describe, or by looking for a therapist who specializes in sexual addiction like Dr Patrick Carnes www.sexhelp.com or attend a support group meeting of Codependents of Sex Addicts Anonymous www.cosa-recovery.org.<BR/><BR/>She might decide that for her to do the right thing to get support for herself and make a plan with her counselor to implement healthy boundaries with her husband. i.e. "this behavior is destroying our marriage and if you choose to continue in this behavior I will leave you until you get some treatment" whatever plan she and her therapist agree on.<BR/><BR/>That's a leap of faith, cause there's no guarantee that her husband will make his own healthy choice. <BR/><BR/>Women have shared this story with me time and time again. They pray and pray and hope their husband makes a good choice. Some of the stories I've heard had a happy ending. The husband did choose to evict the addiction from his life and they rebuilt a life together. I've heard some stories that had a divorce. The addict chose his addiction over his marriage. It happened to dear Christie Brinkley. It happens. <BR/><BR/>But each of these women told me that even though the husband chose addiction over marriage and their marriage ended in divorce, the women all felt that when they took the leap of faith, that a divine safety net caught them. Some have remarried and enjoying a healthy relationship, some are single, but they all have lives free from the toxic addiction. Through counseling and dealing with their own issues they all made a healing choice.<BR/><BR/>There is so much good stuff in your article I want to respond to! I still haven't said anything about the "how long sex takes meter" and the underlying concept of "why not have sex more often by putting little 30 minute erotic snack packs in the ol' Day Timer?" but this comment gets any longer I may as well make it an article! :) Sensuous Wife ShulaSensuous Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01684099151087715262noreply@blogger.com